Just about everyone knows such concepts as a Freudian slip, an Oedipus complex, and a Pavlovian response. Below are the top 10 psychological phenomena for which there is no name.
Please note that I have discovered all of these. If any of these psychological conditions already have a name, then they were named after I wrote this post.
10. While driving a car, the need to lean our heads to the left or the right depending on which way we’re turning. We’re not NASCAR drivers. Turning right into the local quickie mart is not the same thing as entering a curve at 180 miles per hour with four cars surrounding us 2 inches away.
9. When a friend offers to get the tab, we say, “At least let me get the tip.” This is not being nice; it’s being annoying. The friend said he had the tab. If he’s dumb enough to pay for the whole thing, he’ll get the tip, too.
8. A woman’s need to wash the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. A corollary to this is a woman’s need to clean the house before the maid comes.
7. Our need to look behind us when we trip over absolutely nothing. There was nothing in front of us when we were walking the first time. That’s why we didn’t see anything. Nothing is going to magically appear now that we look like an idiot. “Oh, look. See, there was a cinderblock in my way. I never just trip over nothin’.”
6. When we were in grade school, we never wanted to look smart. As adults, we always want to look smart; thus, the need for such asinine statements as, “That’s what I was going to say.” Yeah, well, you didn’t. If you had thought of it first, you would have said it. Don’t piggyback off of someone else’s insight.
5. While watching a comedian, the need to tell those around us that we can identify with what the comedian is saying. This is not needed. The fact that we are laughing demonstrates that we identify with the joke. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be laughing. Here’s a joke: “If this place were any flatter, I’d swear we were in Choybalsan.” See, that’s not funny. Unless you are one hell of a geography nut, you wouldn’t know what Choybalsan, Mongolia is like.
4. The need to stop the gas pump at a round figure. It takes $75 to fill up my car, and that’s using 87 grade. Is $75.02 really going to break me? Is it that much harder for me to balance my checkbook with that extra two pennies hanging out there?
3. The belief that everything was better when we were doing it. When we were in school, the school was better than it is today. Fashions in every other generation were dorky, but my Polo shirt with the collar turned up was damn cool. And don’t get me started on how great my plaid pants were.
2. The perceived need to talk quietly in a bookstore. It’s a bookstore, not a library. People are perusing the books. They’re not cramming for a final. (And if you are in a bookstore cramming for a final, suck it up. It’s a bookstore.) I don’t think anyone is going to be bothered by your talking considering there is a bean grinder whirring away like a jet engine in the middle of the store.
1. The need to be the first person to like something popular. I’ve liked U2 long before most people in the United States knew who U2 were. This bugs me. Also, long ago, I observed that U2 has a lot of Christian messages in their songs. So, it now bothers me when I read about “the Christianity behind U2.” I have so little thunder in life, I hate it when people steal it.
The Daily Wit 