A recent study was conducted by the The Daily Wit’s Foundation Of Ambiguously Named Foundations. You’ve probably heard of it. It ranks right up there with The Bill and Melinda Gates’ Foundation, The Heritage Foundation, The Cato Institute, and The Price Is Right.
So, anyway, this study, which was scientifically conducted in my head after years of observation of different jobs, determined the top ten easiest jobs in the world. For those of you in these jobs, don’t be resentful; be thankful you don’t have to work for a living.
10. Bingo Announcer: “B5!” “E8!” “Someone help Mr. Womack back to his room. He’s passed out on his bingo board again.”
9. Lifeguard at the baby pool: If anyone needs an explanation for this one, go ahead and do us all a favor and step in front of a bus.
8. Height regulation enforcer at the fair: There’s only one question on that application: “Can you say repeatedly with as redneck and disinterested a voice as possible 489 times a day, “Got to be 42″ tall. Just look at the wooden cartoon dog’s hand”?
7. Vanna White’s job, or more correctly stated, Toucher of Lighted Rectangles: No commentary needed.
6. Any government job: I’m not talking about elected officials and agency heads, but the paper pushers with benefits coming out the wazoo, who do nothing, but still act pissed when you show up at their window. I had to renew my license some time back. The worker, whose only function in life from what I could tell was to take a rubber stamp, slightly dampen it in ink, and then place it on a sheet of paper, was beside herself that I had the gall to ask her to do just what I described.
5. Whoever fills up the holy water fountain in Catholic Churches
4. Volunteers in the Mimes For Blind People Program: Ok, neither this job nor this program exists, but I start laughing just thinking about mimes performing for blind people. “What’s he doing now?” “How the hell should I know? I didn’t even know you were there until you said something.”
3. Robin of Batman and Robin Fame: Sure, the cartoonists, or whatever they’re called, gave him a “Kapow!” every now and again, but everyone know Batman did all the work.
2. Tight ends coach: “Catch. Block. Whew, I’m calling it a day. Who wants a cold one?”
1. Drummer in a country band: It’s hard to put sounds into words, but listen to any country song; I don’t care if it’s a ballad or that new stuff they call country, the drummer has the same beat, “Bomp. Shish. Bomp. Shish.” It’s basically bass drum, cymbal, bass drum, cymbal.