Let’s face it. The majority of the status updates on Facebook are downright boring (except yours, of course).
We need to help these folks come up with some better stuff. I mean, why should we suffer?
Because I like helping people out, because I’m a good guy like that, I give you the following Facebook statuses. Use them as you see fit.
1. Well, another day of being a raging alcoholic.
2. My old lady gets off her 2nd job in a hour, so from 8:30 to 8:37, I will NOT be answering the phone if you know what I mean.
3. Whose kid is this?
4. Dang, my neighbor is touchy about sharing his grill without prior approval.
5. Quick: are we in the city or county? I don’t think these guys knocking on my door have jurisdiction.
6. So apparently drying moderately stained grippers out on the line is against the homeowners covenants.
7. Hollering at the guard at the drunk tank won’t help. You got to bang on the door.
8. I now know what incontinent means.
9. Anyone hiring? The mannequin at my desk didn’t fool nobody.
10. FYI, Billy down the street is not fond of the word “retard.” That whole family is thin-skinned.
Whew! For a minute there, I really thought you didn’t like my Facebook updates. So glad to hear that you were not talking to me, so glad! I’ve got a couple of people on my friends list that are not so passive-aggressively attacking each-other. It’s a lovers quarrel, so it’s getting really ugly. And then there is some ass-hat posting lists from their shopping experience..wait…
First, I think I would like permission to reprint this. Harmony, you’ll just have to laugh all over again.
And B., I would like to try my hand at this:
11. Anybody else ever take their garbage out in their underwear or am I the only one? (didn’t get enough feedback when I tweeted this last month)
12. You know, America needs heroes. And we got lots of ‘em. But you know who ain’t heroes? Let’s start with the soldiers. And cops. Firemen of course, plus teachers, nurses, bomb squads, and nuns. Nary a touchdown nor an RBI amongst the lot of ‘em.
13. Man it’s great connecting with all my old girlfriends again. Hey Sue, did you ever tell your husband about that crazy weekend with the mescaline and the strippers and what those sheep tried to tell everybody about us on Sunday morning?
Harm, so you’re watching a Facebook-style Jerry Springer show? I’m cringing and entranced at the same time.
TB, reprint to your heart’s content. One reason I like lists is because of the worthy additions.
[...] Note–Today’s post was originally published by The Daily Wit at his own website, Supercynic. Please add to his list so we can help a world gone mad. And it goes without saying, though here I [...]