A recent study was conducted by the The Daily Wit’s Foundation Of Ambiguously Named Foundations. You’ve probably heard of it. It ranks right up there with The Bill and Melinda Gates’ Foundation, The Heritage Foundation, The Cato Institute, and The Price Is Right.
So, anyway, this study, which was scientifically conducted in my head after years of observation of different jobs, determined the top ten easiest jobs in the world. For those of you in these jobs, don’t be resentful; be thankful you don’t have to work for a living.
10. Bingo Announcer: “B5!” “E8!” “Someone help Mr. Womack back to his room. He’s passed out on his bingo board again.”
9. Lifeguard at the baby pool: If anyone needs an explanation for this one, go ahead and do us all a favor and step in front of a bus.
8. Height regulation enforcer at the fair: There’s only one question on that application: “Can you say repeatedly with as redneck and disinterested a voice as possible 489 times a day, “Got to be 42″ tall. Just look at the wooden cartoon dog’s hand”?
7. Vanna White’s job, or more correctly stated, Toucher of Lighted Rectangles: No commentary needed.
6. Any government job: I’m not talking about elected officials and agency heads, but the paper pushers with benefits coming out the wazoo, who do nothing, but still act pissed when you show up at their window. I had to renew my license some time back. The worker, whose only function in life from what I could tell was to take a rubber stamp, slightly dampen it in ink, and then place it on a sheet of paper, was beside herself that I had the gall to ask her to do just what I described.
5. Whoever fills up the holy water fountain in Catholic Churches
4. Volunteers in the Mimes For Blind People Program: Ok, neither this job nor this program exists, but I start laughing just thinking about mimes performing for blind people. “What’s he doing now?” “How the hell should I know? I didn’t even know you were there until you said something.”
3. Robin of Batman and Robin Fame: Sure, the cartoonists, or whatever they’re called, gave him a “Kapow!” every now and again, but everyone know Batman did all the work.
2. Tight ends coach: “Catch. Block. Whew, I’m calling it a day. Who wants a cold one?”
1. Drummer in a country band: It’s hard to put sounds into words, but listen to any country song; I don’t care if it’s a ballad or that new stuff they call country, the drummer has the same beat, “Bomp. Shish. Bomp. Shish.” It’s basically bass drum, cymbal, bass drum, cymbal.
The easiest job I know of is a weather man in Mississippi from June-September. “Well it’s gonna be hot today with scattered showers…see y’all in October”
Here are my top 10 hardest jobs:
10. Tornado spotter in Issaquena County. “Honey, they just issued another tornado watch”…..”#$&*@”
9. Sara, the phone operator, on Andy Griffith. Did she ever get time off?
8. Obama’s PR guy – He must work 23 hours a day to defend Obamas’ “associations”.
7. Baseball statistician – Is there any stat these poeple don’t have to track? Ken Griffey is batting .307 with runners on 1st and 3rd base, vs. left-handers at night in a domed stadium.
6. Waffle House Cook – I’ve never seen one person do so much damn multi-tasking in my life. If you’re drunk, sit at the bar and watch these cooks do their thing…it’s better than a U2 concert.
5. Dolly Pardon’s plastic surgeon. Pretty soon her ears are going to touch and her hooters are gonna touch her chin. She’s still hot at 60 though!
4. A muslim-American air traffic contoller. Think of the looks this guy must get at work every day!
3. A daycare worker in charge of the 2 year old room anywhere! I used to laugh when my kids were at Assisi and I would pick them up around 5 ish. Every room was pretty much empty except for the 2 yr old room. I guess every parent waited until the last minute to pick them up.
2. Cheerleader for Texas Tech. Imagine how many pushups they have to do by the end of the game.
1. Anybody that works outside in Mississippi in the summer (aside from lifeguards). Especially roofers and pavers. They should all be paid a minimum of $50 an hour plus a lifetime supply of bottled water.
A few other easy jobs:
1. Imported Chinese toy lead paint tester–”yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, etc.”
2. Peyton and Eli Manning’s agent–”more, more, more, more…..more, more…..more……that ought to do it.”
3. Tiger Woods’ Sunday stylist–”go with the red shirt today Tiger”
4. Ringo
5. Ricky Peden funny story compiler
Mayor of Wasilla
drug dealer?
Hi Osh. If it weren’t for the nettlesome little problem of getting shot, I’d agree with you.
Hard Jobs
1) Eli Manning’s reading tutor
2) Fluffer….pun in fact intended
3) Any birth control used by Tiger
4) Fact checker at the creationist museum
Easy Job
1) ESL teacher (if they don’t know english when they come in…how bad can you really screw it up?)
Check out the blog Nocturnal Rudy’s Blog.
All good and proper additions especially the fact checker at the creationist museum.
I KNEW you were gonna say something about government employees!!! You should add a PS to exclude VA nurses!!!
VA nurses are definitely excluded. Nurses in general do not make this list.
Do you include accountants working for the government as being easy jobs? I’m majoring in accounting and want to know if accounting jobs in government are easy, stress-free.
Sidebar. Federal employees get lots of kickass random holidays. Take today, for example. I have a paid holiday today and I’m not even really sure why! Whazzit? Columbus Day or something? IDK.
Also. Let us add LSU Head Coach to this list, please? Apparently when one sells one’s soul to the devil, his/her job becomes much more palatable.
Vice President of the US
Hello
As a former GOV worker i can tell you with 100 percent accuracy and confidence that most GOV jobs and this includes office/administrative positions are NOT stress free and/or easy. They are very difficult and deep in regulations and red tape that a private sector job would not be exposed too. Basically whether or not a job is stressful or easy usually depends more on the person and not the job itself. For instance a fighter pilot to one person could be enjoyable and peaceful while highly stressful to another because mentally this person is challenged in a way that creates more stress then is normal.
Hi Dave. It’s ironic you use a fighter pilot as an example. I’ve now learned how right you are. At the time I originally wrote this blog post, I was a fighter pilot. However, I suffered a weird elbow injury (too long to go into) and was relegated to a desk job. Man, it is stressing me out.
I found it very peaceful and enjoyable dodging SAMs over Iraq, just like you said. I got some of my best thinking done while taking split second evasive maneuvers. But this desk job is killing me. All day everyday, I have to stamp documents either Filed or Not Filed. I’m not sure I’ll be able to continue to handle the pressure of making sure I pick up the right stamp.
Thanks for setting me straight. Take care.
[...] code and what-have-you to make multiplayer matches smooth; and optimizing graphics aren’t the easiest jobs. I’m just another person commenting on games because it only takes 0.001% as much effort. But [...]
Someone who sits on their butt all day who gets paid to make sarcastic and snyde remarks and post them online, while trying to appear somewhat intellectual to make it look like they deserve whatever compensation they are getting..
Tom, a worthy addition. Because I don’t get paid anything for this blog, you couldn’t be talking about me. But tell me who you are talking about and we’ll start talking bad about them.
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I used to work as a CNA in a hospital (HARD work!) but half my time was spent sitting in on 1:1′s. (any patient that had even slightly mentioned harming themselves, or made any kind of comment that they wish they were dead would be required to have a 24/7 babysitter. 99% of the patients werent suicidal, just sad or frustrated) so id sit next to their bed while they slept for 12 hours and watched tv and got paid to do it. all the while, my floor would be short staffed running around like crazy while i was watching a grown person sleep.
Stacey, that is a kick butt easy job. Did you get people to just say the word “suicide” so you could nail down another shift?
“Mr. Kapinski, let’s play a rhyming game. I’ll go first. I’m thinking of a word that rhymes with ‘homicide.’”
“Spermicide’?
“No, guess again.”
“Uh, genocide”?
“Nope. C’mon, now. You want your tapioca or not?”
“Hmmm. Oh, suicide.”
“Whoop! You said ‘suicide.’” “Margie, I’ll be staring at Mr. Kapinski for the next 12 hours.”
This post is so not funny…
How so not funny is it?
I bet it’s so not funny..like when people fall down.
Or when animals run into sliding glass doors, because they don’t know that they are shut..or when humans do it.
OR, maybe its so not funny like when someone is pretending to be dead in a morgue and then they jump out at you. Or when people fall by tripping over various animals or crawling babies. How about when somebody says something completely absurd, but faintly on topic..that’s not funny! And when people fall, because they slip in something slimy.
I bet it’s more like, 8 giggling babies laughing at the same time not funny. Or any one of Louis CK skits dull. Or when people fall because they have fainted.
Any one of those things really.
Harmony, you crack me up. It’s that simple. Add:
Or a crotch shot by a soccer ball or flying shoe.
I can’t believe I forgot the infamous crotch shots! Yeah, that is SO not funny,
My job is the EASIEST on Earth BY FAR!! I wave at cars with a rubber mask on for 7 hours a day! Only job I know where you can be stoned as hell and still properly perform! Oh yea, and my ipod with 250 songs, including much from Metallica and Pantera, keeps my brain from exploding from boredom. But hell, how much can you bitch about a job that pays 8 bucks an hour and gets you 300 bucks a week for doing nothing but STAND there, hiding your stoned eyes behind a mask, listening to bad-ass music, and waving at cars all day?
Nate. I just sprayed diet coke out of my nose!