Top Ten Easiest Jobs In The World
Posted by supercynic on June 2, 2008
If you think the below is funny, check out my site at The Daily Wit.
A recent study was conducted by the The Daily Wit’s Foundation Of Foundations. You’ve probably heard of the foundation. It ranks right up there with The Bill and Melinda Gates’ Foundation, The Heritage Foundation, The Cato Institute, and The Price Is Right.
So, anyway, this study, which was scientifically conducted in my head after years of observation of different jobs, determined the top ten easiest jobs in the world. For those of you in these jobs, don’t be resentful; be thankful you don’t have to work for a living.
10. Bush’s speech writer: You don’t have to come up with anything profound; he’s going to botch it anyway. “Where wings take dream.” “Put food on your families.” “Fool me once, can’t fool me again.” Oh, just shut up and run out the clock.
9. Lifeguard at the baby pool: If anyone needs an explanation for this one, go ahead and do us all a favor and step in front of a bus.
8. Height regulation enforcer at the fair: There’s only one question on that application: “Can you say repeatedly with as redneck and disinterested a voice as possible 489 times a day, “Got to be 42″ tall. Just look at the wooden cartoon dog’s hand”?
7. Vanna White’s job, or more correctly stated, Toucher of Lighted Rectangles: No commentary needed.
6. Any government job: I’m not talking about elected officials and agency heads, but the paper pushers with benefits coming out the wazoo, who do nothing, but still act pissed when you show up at their window. I had to renew my license some time back. The worker, whose only function in life from what I could tell was to take a rubber stamp, slightly dampen it in ink, and then place it on a sheet of paper, was beside herself that I had the gall to ask her to do just what I described.
5. Whoever fills up the holy water fountain in Catholic Churches
4. Volunteers in the Mimes For Blind People Program: Ok, neither this job nor this program exists, but I start laughing just thinking about mimes performing for blind people. “What’s he doing now?” “How the hell should I know? I didn’t even know you were there until you said something.”
3. Robin of Batman and Robin Fame: Sure, the cartoonists, or whatever they’re called, gave him a “Kapow!” every now and again, but everyone know Batman did all the work.
2. Tight ends coach: “Catch. Block. Whew, I’m calling it a day. Who wants a cold one?”
1. Drummer in a country band: It’s hard to put sounds into words, but listen to any country song; I don’t care if it’s a ballad or that new stuff they call country, the drummer has the same beat, “Bomp. Shish. Bomp. Shish.” It’s basically bass drum, cymbal, bass drum, cymbal.
Yack said
The easiest job I know of is a weather man in Mississippi from June-September. “Well it’s gonna be hot today with scattered showers…see y’all in October”
Here are my top 10 hardest jobs:
10. Tornado spotter in Issaquena County. “Honey, they just issued another tornado watch”…..”#$&*@”
9. Sara, the phone operator, on Andy Griffith. Did she ever get time off?
8. Obama’s PR guy – He must work 23 hours a day to defend Obamas’ “associations”.
7. Baseball statistician – Is there any stat these poeple don’t have to track? Ken Griffey is batting .307 with runners on 1st and 3rd base, vs. left-handers at night in a domed stadium.
6. Waffle House Cook – I’ve never seen one person do so much damn multi-tasking in my life. If you’re drunk, sit at the bar and watch these cooks do their thing…it’s better than a U2 concert.
5. Dolly Pardon’s plastic surgeon. Pretty soon her ears are going to touch and her hooters are gonna touch her chin. She’s still hot at 60 though!
4. A muslim-American air traffic contoller. Think of the looks this guy must get at work every day!
3. A daycare worker in charge of the 2 year old room anywhere! I used to laugh when my kids were at Assisi and I would pick them up around 5 ish. Every room was pretty much empty except for the 2 yr old room. I guess every parent waited until the last minute to pick them up.
2. Cheerleader for Texas Tech. Imagine how many pushups they have to do by the end of the game.
1. Anybody that works outside in Mississippi in the summer (aside from lifeguards). Especially roofers and pavers. They should all be paid a minimum of $50 an hour plus a lifetime supply of bottled water.
travellinbaen said
A few other easy jobs:
1. Imported Chinese toy lead paint tester–”yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, etc.”
2. Peyton and Eli Manning’s agent–”more, more, more, more…..more, more…..more……that ought to do it.”
3. Tiger Woods’ Sunday stylist–”go with the red shirt today Tiger”
4. Ringo
5. Ricky Peden funny story compiler
hicker said
Mayor of Wasilla
Osh said
drug dealer?
supercynic said
Hi Osh. If it weren’t for the nettlesome little problem of getting shot, I’d agree with you.